Confidence isn't easy to come by. In fact, it seems pretty rare for a woman to feel comfortable calling herself beautiful. The world has set a nearly unreachable standard of what women are supposed to look like. Up until recently I have let that standard completely dominate my life.
Let me give you some background on this picture. I had been modeling for about a year and had just signed with an agency. Before every photo shoot I wouldn't eat anything unless it was a piece of fruit or a salad. I would basically starve myself before the shoot so I looked the skinniest I possibly could.
During the photo shoot, I mentioned how hungry I was and that I was so excited to get In-N-Out after and how I was going to stuff my face. He looked at me very concerned and said that if I wanted to look good that I shouldn't eat like that. As you can guess, that made me pretty upset but I just laughed and moved onto a different subject.
Now, if I lived my life with the thought that if I ate a burger and gained weight that I would no longer LOOK GOOD, I would be totally and completely miserable. The fact is that it does NOT matter how much you weigh. It does NOT matter what body type you have. It does NOT matter if your body is covered in stretch marks. It does NOT matter if you DON'T have big, perky boobs. It does NOT matter if you have saggy skin or a baby pooch.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Yes, YOU! Who cares if you aren't 5'8" and 100 pounds?! Who cares if you have stretch marks?! If you let those STUPID things run your life you will live in disappointment. You will never be happy, you will always be self-conscious of who is looking at you and what so-and-so is thinking about you.
WHO CARES!
If anyone really does care about that, THEY are the ones with the problem.
Seriously.
And they will learn someday.
I've learned A LOT about myself in the past year and a half. I've learned that I am much, MUCH stronger than I thought. I've learned that I am more beautiful now than I was when I was at my skinniest. I've learned that there are many other things more important than my size. I've learned that stretch marks don't make my skin ugly, they remind me of my baby and what it took to bring him into this world. And let me tell you, it was no easy task haha.
I was pregnant for 41 weeks and 2 days and I was in labor for 36 hours.
I didn't know I could do that.
That was freaking HARD.
The fact is that until Brayden was born I did not have my priorities straight. I focused too much of my time on my body and my looks and not enough time on the things that truly matter.
Now don't get me wrong, it's good to care about how you look and do the best you can with what you have, but when it starts to become more of an obsession is when it's a problem.
Having Brayden has changed my life entirely. My outlook on life is completely different. I am SO much happier.
I have been struggling with body image since he was born but have recently decided I DON'T WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE BEING UNHAPPY WITH HOW I LOOK.
And it is a CHOICE.
I could go get work done, get a boob job and liposuction... OR, I could choose to LOVE MY BODY THE WAY IT IS and learn a lesson that everyone is going to have to eventually learn if they ever want to truly be happy. And that is that there is NO single definition of beauty. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and you need to embrace your own beauty and not cut yourself down for not being a Victoria's Secret model (because, let's face it, even THEY get Photoshopped).
The sooner you learn to be happy with how you are, the better :) It took me having a baby to learn.
Now, my capacity to love him has expanded, and my paranoia of wondering what others think of me has shrunk. And let me tell you what a liberating feeling that is!
I know that God wants me to be happy and that He knows that I have limitless potential. I was letting my poor body image impede my potential. I also know that I can now be the best possible mother to my wonderful son, because he deserves the best.
I'm not saying I still don't struggle to see my beauty when I look in the mirror, but I do know how to overcome those destructive thoughts. I hope this post helps someone learn the lesson that has taken me so long to learn.
No comments:
Post a Comment